Week 07: Couldn't Be Bottomer

A barge that is out of the way

It's all change at the top again with Radnorshire Tigers barging Malcolmyouplaysobadly out of the way, just as Mr Pratt was making himself comfy up there.

Meanwhile, Couldn't Be Hyppia couldn't be bottomer as Nick Reed's appalling run of form continues to see his throng of thugs thoolishly thuck everything up for him.  Again.

Manager of the Week this week is juggler-of-moral-high-grounds* Edgar Rayner, his Didcot Rovers netted an uncharacteristically large 18 points pushing the guiltless manager up four places.  Arch-rival, Rachel Jones, saw her Which Team also climb high, up three places.

*Mr Rayner's transfer policy is in tatters this year.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     52.7  9  64

 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8  6  64

 3 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  6  62

 4 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   49.5  6  59

 5 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 11  59

 6 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  9  58

 7 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.9  4  55

 8 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0  2  53

 9 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.7 11  50

10 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  3  48

11 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  6  47

12 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.0  9  43

13 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6  2  42

14 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0 18  42

15 Moobchester United        Jon King         54.5  1  41

16 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  7  37

17 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9  5  34

18 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      49.2  3  32

19 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  8  28

20 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  7  24

21 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  1  23

22 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9  6  16

23 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        55.0  0  16

                             Week's Average Points      6

                             Total Average Points      43

---

Week 06: Living Room Lap Of Honour

Malcolmyouplaysobadly continues the tussle for top spot by gaining the Manager of the Week certificate for manager Malcolm Pratt and using the week's 9 points to boot Inter Milandrover into second.

Botley Yellow also uses the week to recapture a top four spot, little Stanley doing a lap of honour around his living room.  We imagine.

This week's highest climb is four places, by Moanchester Disunited who now lie in seventh.

Jon King and Gavin Ward.  League chumpions this week.  Oof.

The show rolls on.

Botley Yellow's Stanley Wilson
doing his living room lap of honour

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8  9  58
 2 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  3  56
 3 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     52.7  4  55
 4 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   49.5  7  53
 5 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.9  4  51
 6 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0  2  51
 7 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  8  49
 8 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  4  48
 9 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  3  45
10 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  4  41

11 Moobchester United        Jon King         54.5 -4  40
12 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 -4  40
13 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.6  3  39
14 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.0  3  34
15 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.1  1  30
16 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      49.2  2  29
17 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9  6  29
18 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0  3  24
19 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  7  22
20 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  54.9  4  20
21 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2 -2  17
22 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        55.0 -1  16
23 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9  6  10


                             Week's Average Points      3
                             Total Average Points      37
---

Week 04/05: Metaphorical Certificates

Too much effort

RS-TBOY manager, Rick Beeky McBeecroft, has hammered home an enormous 23 points this week making him the undisputed Champion [of the Week].  Manager of the Week Certificate is on its way to you, Sir*.  And the highest climb of seven places.  Into twelfth.  Hm.

Also worthy of note is Moobchester's climb of six places, into eighth, after scoring 22 points this week.

Meanwhile, our first change of leaders sees the inexplicably unpopular Inter Milandrover leapfrog Radnorshire Tigers to clamber to the top of the pile for the first time since Week 09 of last season.  Not a situation that is likely to improve the general opinion of the past Champs.  However, current Champs, Livercoolio, excel into fifth.

*This is actually not the case anymore due to the cost of paper/ink/postage/effort.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.3 18  53
 2 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    52.7 15  51
 3 Malcolmyouplaysobadly      Malcolm Pratt   54.8 15  49
 4 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    55.0 17  49
 5 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.9 16  47
 6 Botley Yellow              Stanley Wilson  49.5 12  46
 7 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    54.4 13  44
 8 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.5 22  44
 9 Blet Satters Mad Hatters   Gavin Ward      54.6 12  44
10 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    54.8 14  42

11 Moanchester Disunited      Alex Blundell   52.1 11  41
12 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   55.0 23  37
13 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.6 10  36
14 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     54.8  4  31
15 Not In Your Mum's Forest   Sarah Bingham   54.1  9  29
16 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil       Chris Walsh     49.2  4  27
17 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.9  9  23
18 Didcot Rovers              Edgar Rayner    55.0  3  21
19 Awesome Athletic           Adrian Bradley  50.2 -2  19
20 Couldn't be Hyppia         Nick Reed       55.0 15  17
21 A Bit Temperamintal        Minty Colquhoun 54.9  6  16
22 Pedro's Plodders           Pete Braithwaite46.7  0  15
23 It's A Snickers            Ashley Keeler   52.5  7   4


                              Week's Average Points    11
                              Total Average Points     34

Week 03: Hyppia Hyppia Shake

Yes. A reed with a nick in it. Could it be Hyppia?

MalcolmYouPlaySoBadly's Malcolm Pratt is this week's Manager of the Week with a heftily chubby 15 points, lifting his collection of overpaid reprobates up eight places into fourth spot in the League. Phat.

Dropping seven places, however, is Didcot Rovers. Their score of minus 3 is, in a a very real sense, half as bad as It's A Snickers' week's score.

Just don't stare at Couldn't Be Hyppia's Nick Reed, however.  He'll start to get paranoid that we're all talking about him or something.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.8  1  36

 2 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9  5  35

 3 Botley Yellow              Stanley Wilson  49.1  6  34

 4 Malcolmyouplaysobadly      Malcolm Pratt   54.8 15  34

 5 Blet Satters Mad Hatters   Gavin Ward      54.6  9  32

 6 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    55.0  7  32

 7 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.8 11  31

 8 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.9 13  31

 9 Moanchester Disunited      Alex Blundell   52.1  5  30

10 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    54.8  9  28

11 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     54.8  3  27

12 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.6  3  26

13 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil       Chris Walsh     49.2  7  23

14 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.5  1  22

15 Awesome Athletic           Adrian Bradley  50.2  3  21

16 Not In Your Mum's Forest   Sarah Bingham   54.1  8  20

17 Didcot Rovers              Edgar Rayner    55.0 -3  18

18 Pedro's Plodders           Pete Braithwait 46.7  4  15

19 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.9  2  14

20 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   55.0  1  14

21 A Bit Temperamintal        Minty Colquhoun 54.9  1  10

22 Couldn't be Hyppia         Nick Reed       55.0 -7   2

23 It's A Snickers            Ashley Keeler   52.5 -6  -3

                              Week's Average Points     4

                              Total Average Points     23

Week 02: Mock not. Yet.

The Umpa-Lumpas receive Mr Smears' transfer request at
OFFL HQ in the first week.

Senility is not something to mock.  So we'll just let Mike Smears' Week 1 transfer request speak for itself while allowing it to quietly open up the floodgates for all the other trigger-happy managers out there. Though, to be fair, if Irishpool win the League after this it may go down as a stupendous masterstroke.

Generally, Mr Smears' Fantasy Football team management genius has been well hidden up till now so we'll just move along from the opening paragraph.  There's nothing to see here [yet].

Manager of the Week this week is, again, not Mike Smears who didn't score 20 points for his team, unlike ninth-placed Moobchester United's Jon King who IS manager of the week for doing precisely that.  Congratulations Mr King.

In the meantime, more teams have joined us making the Most Popular Players List look a little bit like this {see table below].  Of course, as mindless panic-driven transfers continue to pelt down upon us this list will evolve.

PIN     Surname           Club Value  Count
-------------------------------------------
402 MF  R Sterling        LIV    4.6   11
263 CB  D Lovren          LIV    3.8   10
322 MF  A Ramsey          ARS    5.0   10
531 ST  D Costa           CHE    7.5    9
413 MF  Y Toure           MC     6.4    8
171 FB  S Coleman         EVE    4.5    7
559 ST  W Rooney          MU     7.8    7
143 GK  H Lloris          TOT    3.8    5
341 MF  C Fabregas        CHE    5.6    6
423 MF  J Mata            MU     5.4    6
560 ST  R van Persie      MU     8.4    6
188 FB  P Zabaleta        MC     4.9    5
487 MF  G Sigurdsson      SWA    4.0    5
108 GK  P Cech            CHE    4.4    4
114 GK  T Howard          EVE    4.0    4
150 FB  M Debuchy         ARS    4.5    4
199 FB  C Chambers        ARS    3.6    4
159 FB  K Richardson      AV     3.5    4
166 FB  B Ivanovic        CHE    4.9    4
214 FB  B Davies          TOT    3.5    4
399 MF  A Lallana         LIV    4.5    4
519 ST  A Sanchez         ARS    7.4    4
540 ST  S Naismith        EVE    5.9    4
.
.

By the way, Our Most Gracious Chairman would like us to point out that 'tapping up' the Chairman for insider information on the arrival of new players will NOT be tolerated.  Balotelli, Bielby, need I say more?  Is that a Point Fine we can feel coming on?

-

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.8 19  35
 2 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9 15  30
 3 Botley Yellow              Stanley Wilson  49.1 13  28
 4 Moanchester Disunited      Alex Blundell   52.1 17  25
 5 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    55.0 15  25
 6 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     54.8 13  24
 7 Blet Satters Mad Hatters   Gavin Ward      54.6 12  23
 8 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.6 10  23
 9 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.5 20  21
10 Didcot Rovers              Edgar Rayner    55.0 13  21

11 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.8 16  20
12 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    54.8 19  19
13 Fat Malcademicals          Malcolm Pratt   54.8 11  19
14 Awesome Athletic           Adrian Bradley  50.2 18  18
15 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.9  8  18
16 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil       Chris Walsh     49.2 16  16
17 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   55.0 10  13
18 Not In Your Mum's Forest   Sarah Bingham   54.1 12  12
19 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.9  8  12
20 Pedro's Plodders           Pete Braithwait 46.7  3  11
21 A Bit Temperamintal        Minty Colquhoun 54.9  9   9
22 Couldn't be Hyppia         Nick Reed       55.0  5   9
23 It's A Snickers            Ashley Keeler   52.5  2   3


                              Week's Average Points    12
                              Total Average Points     18
---

Week 01: Paws, Pause, Pours

Other ways to watch the TV in your favourite lycra listening to your iPod.

Apart from playing their part in many an amusing cat video there is no real need for running machines to actually exist in our lives, let's face it.  There are plenty of other ways to watch the TV in your favourite lycra while standing up listening to your iPod.

And very much like a running machine so the OFFL treadmill finds itself in existence.

[We shall now pause for you to flick through your own images of stumbling padding pussy paws while we awkwardly wait for the OFFL metaphor rain to stop pouring on the opening couple of paragraphs of this Week's Studmarks. Let's hoist an umbrella and get down to business, shall we?]

And like needless running machines there is certainly no need to point out the bleedin' obvious (but we're going to anyway) in that the Manager of the Week this week is Alun Edwards for managing his Radnorshire Tigers to a first week's table-topping tally of 16 points. Let's see if the Tigers can keep this up unlike Minty Colquhoun's early lead last season...

*Swanny Whistle Down*

Amid such farce we welcome some old faces back to OFFL20.  Not least Pete "Mr Loverman" Braithwaite who was part of the league when it was the RFFL, many years ago, but also we say hello [in the style of Mr Tumble] to OFFL Virgins Stanley Wilson and Mandy Noble.  And while their two ages bring the OFFL Manager average down to about 15 years, the returning Mr Smears ensures it climbs back up to nearer the usual 65 years.

In the meantime, let's have a look at the most popular players picked so far in the league.

PIN     Surname           Club Value  Count
-------------------------------------------
263 CB  D Lovren          LIV    3.8    8
402 MF  R Sterling        LIV    4.6    7
413 MF  Y Toure           MC     6.4    7
531 ST  D Costa           CHE    7.5    7
171 FB  S Coleman         EVE    4.5    6
322 MF  A Ramsey          ARS    5.0    6
559 ST  W Rooney          MU     7.8    6
341 MF  C Fabregas        CHE    5.6    5
423 MF  J Mata            MU     5.4    5
114 GK  T Howard          EVE    4.0    4
143 GK  H Lloris          TOT    3.8    4
199 FB  C Chambers        ARS    3.6    4
159 FB  K Richardson      AV     3.5    4
188 FB  P Zabaleta        MC     4.9    4
399 MF  A Lallana         LIV    4.5    4
519 ST  A Sanchez         ARS    7.4    4
560 ST  R van Persie      MU     8.4    4

Enough of this nonsense.  It's Week 1.  Welcome back.  Get on with it.

PS
No mention of the World Cup so far eh?

PPS
D'Oh!


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.8 16  16
 2 Botley Yellow              Stanley Wilson  49.1 15  15
 3 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9 15  15
 4 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     54.8 13  13
 5 Blet Satters Mad Hatters   Gavin Ward      54.6 11  11
 6 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     55.0 11  11
 7 Livercoolio                Russ Bielby     54.9 10  10
 8 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    55.0 10  10
 9 Pedro's Plodders           Pete Braithwait 46.7  8   8
10 Moanchester Disunited      Alex Blundell   52.1  8   8

11 Fat Malcademicals          Malcolm Pratt   54.8  8   8
12 Didcot Rovers              Edgar Rayner    55.0  8   8
13 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.8  4   4
14 Johnny's Heroes            Sarah Bielby    54.9  4   4
15 Couldn't be Hyppia         Nick Reed       55.0  4   4
16 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   55.0  3   3
17 It's A Snickers            Ashley Keeler   52.5  1   1
18 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.5  1   1


                              Week's Average Points     8
                              Total Average Points      7

Deadlines, deadlines.

If you want to earn the scores from this weekend then get your team in before 1500hrs tomorrow.  Otherwise, get your team in before Monday 1730hrs in order to get the scores from the following weekend.