Week 41: And The Winners Are...

Russ Bielby and Alun Edwards are this season's Winners

OFFICE FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE CHAMPIONS 2014/2015

Livercoolio, managed by Russ Bielby on a score of 392 points

OFFICE FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE RUNNERS UP 2014/2015

RS-TBOY, managed by Rick Beecroft on a score of 383 points

====================
The OFFL Cup Final
------------------
Result

Malcolmyouplaysobadly  11 v  14  Radnorshire Tigers
Malcolm Pratt                    Alun Edwards

OFFL CUP WINNERS: 

Radnorshire Tigers, managed by Alun Edwards

We have our OFFL Cup Winner!  And the Romance of the Cup is indeed very much alive.  Yes, twelfthly placed Radnorshire Tigers took on thirdly placed Malcolmyouplaysobadly and manager Edwards has finally left the defeated Pratt reeling with absolutely nothing to show for a season that had promised so much.

The Tigers finish the season in Eleventh, the Prattsters in Fourth.

The Quiz Book is yours Mr Edwards and it will be winging its way to you as soon as possible.

Malcolm, you leave with nothing.

And so, what of that League Table...?

Well our final Manager of the Week, Smasher, was overheard cursing and spitting "That Theo Thucking Thalcott" for 'What Could Have Been' after the Arsenal Midfielder's long-overdue hatrick had propelled Inter Milandrover into third place, 2 points behind the League Runners Up, RS-TBOY, and only 11 points behind confirmed Champions, Livercoolio.  Indeed time has run out on the rest of the league as Mr Bielby is crowned Champions for the second season running.

Congratulations, Russ.  A worthy winner and the first in OFFL History to have done it without having won a single Manager of the Week certificate all season!

A.

May.

Zing.

Worthy of note too, of course, is Lord Beaky of Beecroft.  Another Runners Up spot for the TBOYs to add to those achieved in 2009 & 2010.  Not that his colleague Bielby would ever dream of gloating about this fact.  Play nicely boys.  It's not beyond Our Most Gracious Chairman to fine you points for the beginning of next season.

If there is a next season, of course.

Thank you all for participating, please be thoughtful of the local residents as you leave here tonight and remember to stay safe on those roads out there.  You're all wonderful.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.9  4 392

 2 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3 12 383

 3 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8 19 381

 4 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4 11 376

 5 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8  2 365

 6 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.8 -3 361

 7 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.8  1 340

 8 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       52.7  8 332

 9 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.8  4 330

10 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 11 326

11 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.3 14 313

12 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1  4 310

13 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.9  6 303

14 Moobchester United        Jon King         54.3 11 296

15 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  6 279

16 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  53.4  3 268

17 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      54.6  1 267

18 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     54.8  0 259

19 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.6  4 256

20 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1 -4 249

21 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.8  6 242

22 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8 14 231

23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  1 148

24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7 -3 107

                             Week's Average Points      5

                             Total Average Points     296

---

Week 40: Bielby Checks His Watch

Bielby Time

Blet Satters Mad Hatters have just won their manager, Miss Gavin Ward, a Manager of the Week certificate.  They scored an OK-but-not-devastating 12 points in the penultimate week of the season.  They hopped up a place in the table too.

Meanwhile, Russ Bielby is at the edge of his technical area, checking his watch, taking nervous sips from a drinks bottle and turning back to his bench every now and then.  We're in injury time and his Livercoolio are 17 points ahead of second place in the league. It's all but sewn up, miracling a bar or barring a miracle, whichever you prefer. 

One more week of results to come.

And while we await the inevitable...

OFFL Cup

FINAL

Currently In Play

Malcolmyouplaysobadly  v  Radnorshire Tigers
Malcolm Pratt             Alun Edwards

Both teams enjoy the services of Zabaleta, Sigurdsson and Diego Costa so that leaves the following to battle it out for Cup glory.

Malcolmyouplaysobadly           Radnorshire Tigers
              ClubValueTotal                ClubValueTotal
==========================  ============================
GK P Cech      CHE £4.4 13  GK T Courtois    CHE £4.4 16
FB S Coleman   EVE £4.5 26  FB L Baines      EVE £4.7 34
CB L Koscielny ARS £4.5 35  CB E Dier        TOT £3.8 -3
CB J Fonte     SOT £3.8 40  CB R Vlaar       AV  £3.4 10
MF K Mirallas  EVE £4.8 23  MF S Downing     WH  £3.9 10
MF M Sissoko   NEW £4.0  8  MF J Ward-Prowse SOT £3.6 17
MF R Sterling  LIV £4.6 39  MF J Colback     NEW £3.6 24
ST A Sanchez   ARS £7.4 64  ST H Kane        TOT £5.5  5



T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.9  4 388
 2 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3  8 371
 3 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4  2 365
 4 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.8  5 364
 5 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8 10 363
 6 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8 11 362
 7 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.8 10 339
 8 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.8  9 326
 9 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       52.7 12 324
10 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  1 315
11 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1  3 306
12 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.3  3 299
13 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.9 10 297
14 Moobchester United        Jon King         54.3  5 285
15 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  5 273
16 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      54.6 -2 266
17 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  53.4  3 265
18 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     54.8  3 259
19 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1 -2 253
20 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.6 -2 252
21 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.8  1 236
22 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  8 217
23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  8 147
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  0 110


                             Week's Average Points      4
                             Total Average Points     290
---

Week 39: The End of the Duel?

BRuss and Pratt's duel is over?

Surely the champagne can be cracked open, the backs can be slapped, the party poppers' protrusions can be pulled, the fists pumped, the bunting hung and the hunting bung.

The exit polls are heavily hinting at a Livercoolio Landslide.

With Malcolmyouplaysobadly dropping a place in the League, Mr Pratt's duel with The BRuss looks to be finally over: is Mally keeping his powder dry for the OFFL Cup Final?  Let's hope so.

Meanwhile, RS-TBOY, nips into second place to make it a RealSense one-two.

And while Russ Bielby is crashing towards his second League Championship in a row [and third overall] Jon King has just nabbed his fifth Manager of the Week certificate of the season, one behind Bielby's wife, Mrs Bielby.  Yes, the man behind the Moobs steered his team towards a 19 point haul for the week.  Those Moobs now rest in fourteenth.

The OFFL Cup

FINAL

To be played over Week 41

Malcolmyouplaysobadly  v  Radnorshire Tigers
Malcolm Pratt             Alun Edwards

Both teams enjoy the services of Zabaleta, Sigurdsson and Diego Costa so that leaves the following to battle it out for Cup glory.

Malcolmyouplaysobadly           Radnorshire Tigers
              ClubValueTotal                ClubValueTotal
==========================  ============================
GK P Cech      CHE £4.4 13  GK T Courtois    CHE £4.4 16
FB S Coleman   EVE £4.5 26  FB L Baines      EVE £4.7 34
CB L Koscielny ARS £4.5 35  CB E Dier        TOT £3.8 -3
CB J Fonte     SOT £3.8 40  CB R Vlaar       AV  £3.4 10
MF K Mirallas  EVE £4.8 23  MF S Downing     WH  £3.9 10
MF M Sissoko   NEW £4.0  8  MF J Ward-Prowse SOT £3.6 17
MF R Sterling  LIV £4.6 39  MF J Colback     NEW £3.6 24
ST A Sanchez   ARS £7.4 64  ST H Kane        TOT £5.5  5

It's anyone's guess how this one is going to fall.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.9 11 384
 2 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3 14 363
 3 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4  9 363
 4 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.8  8 359
 5 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8 12 353
 6 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8 16 351
 7 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.8 11 329
 8 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.8  2 317
 9 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 17 314
10 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       52.7  4 312

11 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1  1 303
12 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.3  6 296
13 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.9 -1 287
14 Moobchester United        Jon King         54.3 19 280
15 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      54.6  5 268
16 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  3 268
17 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  53.4 11 262
18 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     54.8 15 256
19 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1 10 255
20 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.6 17 254
21 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.8 13 235
22 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  7 209
23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  3 139
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  0 110


                             Week's Average Points      8
                             Total Average Points     286
---

Week 38: Rapidly Evaporating Fixtures

Colquhoun: lunge for the line

With Premiership fixtures rapidly evaporating from the season's remaining roster obligations some cynics might like to claim that a Championship-winning 'lunge for the line' isn't really possible from seventeenth place in the table.

Not so Ms Minty Colquhoun.

Having finally dispensed of Bent [and a few others] the marvellous Minty may just be foolhardy enough to allow the success of recent performances to indicate Promise and Hope after she picked up another Manager of the Week certificate.  Her aptly titled A Bit Temperamintal enjoyed a large 17 point haul this week, lifting themselves up one place from eighteenth.

The marathon is turning into a sprint.

And current leader Russ Bielby has 'kicked on' this week to push second place Malcolm a further 8 points into the distance behind.  Now even Irishpool and RS-TBOY are eyeing up that second place finish.

Has Malcolmyouplaysobadly really run out of steam?  Alun Edwards certainly hopes so...

OFFL Cup Final

Week 41

Malcolmyouplaysobadly  v  Radnorshire Tigers
Malcolm Pratt             Alun Edwards

Interesting to note that Radnorshire Tigers will have a better Points per Pound ratio and therefore, in the case of a draw, has the advantage.

Team of the Month for April is... 

Mike Smears's Irishpool...

Lge
Pos  Team Name                    Value     Pts
-----------------------------------------------
   3 Irishpool                    £ 53.8     57
   5 Johnny's Heroes              £ 54.8     50
   4 RS-TBOY                      £ 54.3     48
   1 Livercoolio                  £ 54.9     48
  15 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil         £ 54.6     47
  12 Radnorshire Tigers           £ 49.3     46
   8 Botley Yellow                £ 52.8     44
   2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly        £ 54.4     43
  13 Pyeators                     £ 54.9     42
  17 A Bit Temperamintal          £ 53.4     41
  10 The Flying Geese             £ 54.1     39
  18 Moanchester Disunited        £ 52.1     36
   9 Blet Satters Mad Hatters     £ 52.7     35
   6 Inter Milandrover            £ 53.8     34
   7 Not In Your Mum's Forest     £ 54.8     33
  14 Couldn't be Hyppia           £ 54.6     32
  20 It's A Snickers              £ 54.6     32
  19 Didcot Rovers                £ 54.8     30
  11 Which Team                   £ 55.0     30
  22 Real Mcdrid                  £ 54.8     27
  16 Moobchester United           £ 54.3     24
  21 Neil's Diamonds              £ 54.8     23
  24 Pedro's Plodders             £ 46.7     13
  23 Awesome Athletic             £ 50.2     12

You're all rather lovely.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.9 10 373
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4  2 354
 3 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.8 10 351
 4 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3 11 349
 5 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8 12 341
 6 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8 10 335
 7 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.8  6 318
 8 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.8  3 315
 9 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       52.7  2 308
10 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1  8 302
11 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 13 297
12 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.3  7 290
13 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.9  1 288
14 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  9 265
15 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      54.6 11 263
16 Moobchester United        Jon King         54.3  6 261
17 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  53.4 17 251
18 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  9 245
19 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     54.8 10 241
20 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.6 13 237
21 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.8 10 222
22 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  3 202
23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  8 136
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  2 110


                             Week's Average Points      8
                             Total Average Points     277

Week 37: OFFL Cup Semi-Final Results

Nigel Pearson, obviously.

While Radnorshire Tigers collect another Manager of the Week certificate for scoring 17 points and moving up no places [shame], the top five teams in the league table have compressed.

More importantly, with only a handful of Premiership fixtures remaining in the season, Malcolmyouplaysobadly have cut down Livercoolio's lead to 11 points.  And 11 points further behind Mr Mally's second placers is Smearsy's Irishpool.

Smearsy.  Smear-Z.

But wait, before we get over-pally with the aged... Alun's 17 points didn't merely win him the Manager of the Week certificate, oh no.  It also ensured safe passage into the FINAL of the OFFL Cup 2015...

OFFL Cup

Semi-Finals Results, Wk37

Moobchester United       4 v 12 Malcolmyouplaysobadly
Jon King                                Malcolm Pratt
                            
Not In Your Mum's Forest 9 v 17    Radnorshire Tigers
Sarah Bingham                            Alun Edwards

Congratulations Malcolmyouplaysobadly and Radnorshire Tigers - you're through to the next round.  THE F-F-F-Final.  Which means that one of you will be taking home the Football Fans' Quizbook.

And when we say "taking home" we mean 'however we manage to get hold of your address we'll be sending the damn thing to you by post.'

You're welcome.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.9  9 363

 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4 12 352

 3 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.8 14 341

 4 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3 16 338

 5 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8 11 329

 6 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8  8 325

 7 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.8 12 312

 8 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.8  9 312

 9 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       52.7  8 306

10 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1 12 294

11 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.9 16 287

12 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  3 284

13 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.3 17 283

14 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  7 256

15 Moobchester United        Jon King         54.3  4 255

16 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      54.6 12 252

17 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  5 236

18 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  53.4  9 234

19 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     54.8  3 231

20 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.6  1 224

21 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.8  1 212

22 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  6 199

23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  2 128

24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  0 108

                             Week's Average Points      8

                             Total Average Points     269

---

Week 36: Bent Out (of shape)

Bent, out of shape

With a stupendous week's score of 22 points, she's living up to her team name in being A Bit Temperamintal.

Yes, Minty Colquhoun [if you need help with pronouncing her name try 'Minn-tee'.  Perfect.] has nabbed herself a second Manager of the Week certificate.

The Posh Bint called Mint has not had the most successful of seasons but things seemed to have turned a corner when she finally realised that her much-cherished, oft-unfit, Darren Bent wasn't going to be the 30-goal-a-season man she always believed him to be.

And also because he left the premiership AGES ago.

Meanwhile, Livercoolio stretch their lead over Malcolmyouplaysobadly to 14 points, putting the season-long place-swap dance Mr Bielby has been enjoying with Mr Pratt on hold for another week.

Right.  It's OFFL Cup Semifinal week and the fixtures are...

OFFL Cup

Semi-Finals, in play

Moobchester United        v  Malcolmyouplaysobadly
Jon King                             Malcolm Pratt

Not In Your Mum's Forest  v     Radnorshire Tigers
Sarah Bingham                         Alun Edwards

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.9 15 354

 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4 13 340

 3 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.8 15 327

 4 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3 15 322

 5 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8  8 318

 6 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8 13 317

 7 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.8  4 303

 8 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.8  9 300

 9 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6  4 298

10 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1 12 282

11 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 16 281

12 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.9  8 271

13 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.3 15 266

14 Moobchester United        Jon King         52.1  9 251

15 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6 13 249

16 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      54.6 12 240

17 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  6 231

18 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     54.8  7 228

19 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  53.4 22 225

20 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.6 12 223

21 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.8  8 211

22 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  6 193

23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  1 126

24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7 11 108

                             Week's Average Points     10

                             Total Average Points     261

---

Week 35: It was th-th-thirty years ago today

Mike Smears standing in front of his brand new 1985 Howitzer tank estate

The old man of the league, Smearsy, notches up another Manager of the Week certificate win by allowing his rabble of youfs, aka Irishpool, to score a week's total of nineteen.  N-n-n-n-n-n-n-nineteen. Nineteen.  N-n-n-n-nineteen.

Paul Hardcastle there.

And while we grapple with a 30 year old Pop Culture reference [the like of which Mike, himself, would still have been too old at the time to currently understand] we quickly move on...

Should you still be in the OFFL Cup, don't forget to get your transfers in for the Semi-Finals to be played in Week 37 - good quizzing times ahead for the winner of the Cup, I must add - the winner will be receiving the Football Fans Quizbook as the most wondrous 1st Prize.

D-d-d-d-d d-d-d-destruction.

MANAGER OF THE MONTH FOR MARCH

Congratulations, Sarah Bingham - 43 points in one month.
                                                Month's
   Manager            Team                       Score
-------------------------------------------------------
 1 Sarah Bingham      Not In Your Mum's Forest    43
 2 Dave Clayton       Pyeators                    39
 3 Mike Smears        Irishpool                   38
 3 Russ Bielby        Livercoolio                 38
 5 Smasher            Inter Milandrover           34
 5 Malcolm Pratt      Malcolmyouplaysobadly       34
 5 Neil McConaghy     Neil's Diamonds             34
 8 Stanley Wilson     Botley Yellow               32
 8 Rachel Jones       Which Team                  32
10 Nick Reed          Couldn't be Hyppia          31
10 Gavin Ward         Blet Satters Mad Hatters    31
10 Ashley Keeler      It's A Snickers             31
13 Jon King           Moobchester United          29
14 Edgar Rayner       Didcot Rovers               28
15 Mandy Noble        The Flying Geese            27
15 Chris Walsh        Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil        27
17 Craig McHugh       Real Mcdrid                 25
18 Rick Beecroft      RS-TBOY                     23
18 Sarah Bielby       Johnny's Heroes             23
18 Alex Blundell      Moanchester Disunited       23
21 Alun Edwards       Radnorshire Tigers          21
22 Minty Colquhoun    A Bit Temperamintal         17
23 Adrian Bradley     Awesome Athletic            12
24 Pete Braithwaite   Pedro's Plodders             2

Oh Pedro.



T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.9 18 339
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4  5 327
 3 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.8 19 312
 4 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8 14 310
 5 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3  8 307
 6 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8  9 304
 7 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  9 299
 8 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 13 294
 9 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.8  9 291
10 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1  3 270

11 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  0 265
12 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.9  9 263
13 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.3  6 251
14 Moobchester United        Jon King         52.1  6 242
15 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  5 236
16 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      54.6  7 228
17 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1 14 225
18 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     54.8  7 221
19 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.6 10 211
20 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  53.4  5 203
21 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.8  2 203
22 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  2 187
23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  2 125
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  0  97


                             Week's Average Points      7
                             Total Average Points     250
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Week 33 & 34: Strained relations

Russ has 'something caught in his eye'

Ignoring last week as a no-score washout we quickly bring this week into focus.  And what do we see emerge from the blurry mist of our slowly adjusting eyes?  Yes, it's that beaming little face of the lovely Mrs Bielby clutching yet another Manager of the Week Certificate.  In HD.

Look, she's waving it in everyone's faces. It's her Sixth, she wants you to know.  She would also be rather pleased if you acknowledged that her Johnny's Heroes notched up an impressive 17 points this week.

As we let the scene fade back out of focus we think we can pick out a rapid v-shaped flash of a hand-movement at the lens.  Not classy.

In a different corner of the same room we see a less than chipper husband.  Mr Bielby has his back to us and is hoping we can't see him rescue 'something from his eye'.  It's tough for Russ.  Not only does he have an out-of-control Manager of the Week Certificate-winning maniac of a Mrs but he's also constantly being beaten back from the top of the league table into second place by Malcolm Pratt's Malcolmyouplaysobadly.  It's as if he's being toyed with by a Pratt.

So, it's fair to say that breakfast time in the bickering Bielby bungalow is not a bundle of fundle right now.  Lucky, then, that both Bielbys have already been kicked out of the OFFL Cup.  No repressed envy to fuel the resentment there...

OFFL Cup

Semi-Finals, to be played over Week 37

Moobchester United        v  Malcolmyouplaysobadly
Jon King                             Malcolm Pratt

Not In Your Mum's Forest  v     Radnorshire Tigers
Sarah Bingham                         Alun Edwards


Can Malcolmyouplaysobadly really do the Double?

Naaah.

Pobblynot.

Week 32: OFFL Cup Third Round Results

Not In Your Mum's Forest v The Flying Geese [OMG Chairman looks on]

Another Manager of the Week certificate goes to Smasher for the 21 points he snaffled for his Inter Milandrover.  This puts him level on Certificates with Sarah Bielby who both now top the MotW chart with 5 certificates each - which just goes to show you how pointless Manager of the Week certificates are to get a sense of OFFL success.  You see, both managers are struggling to keep up with the league leaders and, now, both are out of the cup.  Which is a rather insensitive way of telling Ms Bielby she was well and truly stuffed by Manchester United fan Jon King's Moobchester United in this week's OFFL Cup tie.

By a Manchester United fan.

Oof.

Now the Moobs are through to the Semi-Finals.  Let's a have butcher's hook at who else has suffered utter humiliation at the hands of lower league opposition...

OFFL Cup

ROUND THREE

Results, Wk32

Irishpool                12  v 17 Malcolmyouplaysobadly
Mike Smears                               Malcolm Pratt

Johnny's Heroes           7  v 17    Moobchester United
Sarah Bielby                                   Jon King

Blet Satters Mad Hatters 10  v 10    Radnorshire Tigers*
Gavin Ward                                 Alun Edwards

Not In Your Mum's Forest 20  v  8      The Flying Geese
Sarah Bingham                               Mandy Noble

*Radnorshire Tigers go through on PpP

After scraping through the last round by beating Moanchester Disunited 3 - 0, Alun Edwards's Radnorshire Tigers barely scrape through again this round by winning their tie on Points per Pound.  This week's head-scratching victims are Gavin Ward and his Blet Satters Mad Hatters. Don't worry Mr Ward, this time next year you'll be Milliners.

Do You See What I Did There?

Redolent of the warring matriarchs in 80s supersoap 'Dynasty', we witness an act of shoulder-padded feminist independence, and a clear show-off to try and impress all the boys, from Sarah 'Alexis' Bingham as she cattily dumps out fellow OFFL 'sista' Mandy 'Krystle' Noble.  Meanwhile, Irishpool's Mike Smears gallantly steps aside to let OFFL giant Big Mally and his Malcolmyouplaysobadly through with a charmingly polite "after you, Sir".  Such gracious masculine respect there.

Lovely.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.9 18 315
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4 17 309
 3 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8 21 291
 4 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3  9 290
 5 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.7 12 284
 6 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 20 279
 7 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8  7 279
 8 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 10 271
 9 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.8 14 268
10 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1  8 255

11 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 19 254
12 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.9 18 245
13 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.7 10 237
14 Moobchester United        Jon King         52.1 17 231
15 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6 12 224
16 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      54.6  5 205
17 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     54.8  8 201
18 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  7 200
19 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  4 193
20 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.6 12 192
21 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.8 11 189
22 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8 14 172
23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2 10 116
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7 -1  95


                             Week's Average Points     11
                             Total Average Points     233
---

Week 31: Reed In F.C. [for Clarkson]

Clarkson - not taking Road Safety seriously

Pending the inevitable, a double congratulations is in the offing for our very own celebrity Dr Nick Reed.

That he was the person seen swiping the last steak fillet from the buffet on the set of Top Gear is neither here nor there.  The fact that the absence of this lump of meat led to a fracas that, in turn, has resulted in a vacancy opening up for a TV presenting driving expert is also just happenstance.

Dr Reed's early TV career has so far been limited to early morning appearances on Breakfast TV and is rumoured to be losing interest with reading subsequent facebook messages from friends about how they dropped their spoons in their cornflakes every time his handsome fizzog catches them unawares on the Tellybox.

So, with an innocent eye on slipping into Jeremy Clarkson's still-warm shoes, this would seem the perfect time, then, to up his game and twang the braces of the BBC Bosses.

And Up His Game he has.  Oh yes.

By steering his OFFL team to a score of 15 points and being awarded the Manager of the Week certificate for this week we reckon the execs at the Beeb will have well and truly sat up and noticed.  Controversial Clarkson OUT, Reed IN - Now there's a transfer request that just works.

About the MotW certificate, Dr Reed said he "Couldn't Be Hyppia" and believes it's just the right springboard to further his career.

He didn't say any of that to be fair.  But we enjoyed imaging, briefly, that he had.

OFFL Cup

ROUND THREE

Being played this week

Irishpool                    v   Malcolmyouplaysobadly
Mike Smears                              Malcolm Pratt

Johnny's Heroes              v      Moobchester United
Sarah Bielby                                  Jon King

Blet Satters Mad Hatters     v      Radnorshire Tigers
Gavin Ward                                Alun Edwards

Not In Your Mum's Forest     v        The Flying Geese
Sarah Bingham                              Mandy Noble



T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.9  3 297
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4  9 292
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3  3 281
 4 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.7  5 272
 5 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8  1 272
 6 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8  4 270
 7 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6  6 261
 8 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  7 259
 9 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.6  4 254
10 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1  9 247

11 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 14 235
12 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.7  4 227
13 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.3  7 227
14 Moobchester United        Jon King         52.1  0 214
15 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6 15 212
16 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      54.6 11 200
17 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1 11 193
18 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     54.8 10 193
19 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  4 189
20 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.6  7 180
21 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.8  8 178
22 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  4 158
23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2 -4 106
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  0  96


                             Week's Average Points      5

                             Total Average Points     221

Week 30: Flagging Morale

A young Mike Smears before his morale started flagging

Manager of the Week this week is Mr Mike Smears of Irishpool loveliness.  21 points saw off the challenges from whipper-snappers Russ Bielby and Sarah Bingbong and saw the old man snaffle a much needed certificate to bolster flagging morale.

And no matter how much we, here at Studmarks, would love to experience our own morale boost to help needlessly stretch out this nonsense it just so happens to be one of those editions where we're just not going to be able to pull it off [again] with enough haste nor wit to make it worth your while.  

And besides some of you have the OFFL Cup to worry about.

Boom.

OFFL Cup

ROUND THREE

To be played in Week 32

Irishpool                    v   Malcolmyouplaysobadly
Mike Smears                              Malcolm Pratt

Johnny's Heroes              v      Moobchester United
Sarah Bielby                                  Jon King

Blet Satters Mad Hatters     v      Radnorshire Tigers
Gavin Ward                                Alun Edwards

Not In Your Mum's Forest     v        The Flying Geese
Sarah Bingham                              Mandy Noble

An out of date second hand Football Quiz Book is up for grabs.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.9 17 294
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4  8 283
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3 11 278
 4 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8 15 271
 5 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.7 21 267
 6 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8  9 266
 7 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 15 255
 8 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 16 252
 9 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.6 14 250
10 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1 10 238

11 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.7  7 223
12 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 -1 221
13 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.3 14 220
14 Moobchester United        Jon King         52.1 12 214
15 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  4 197
16 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      54.6 11 189
17 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  9 185
18 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     54.8 10 183
19 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  5 182
20 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.6 12 173
21 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.8 15 170
22 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  7 154
23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  6 110
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  3  96


                             Week's Average Points     10
                             Total Average Points     215
---