Week 41: And The Winners Are...

Russ Bielby and Alun Edwards are this season's Winners

OFFICE FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE CHAMPIONS 2014/2015

Livercoolio, managed by Russ Bielby on a score of 392 points

OFFICE FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE RUNNERS UP 2014/2015

RS-TBOY, managed by Rick Beecroft on a score of 383 points

====================
The OFFL Cup Final
------------------
Result

Malcolmyouplaysobadly  11 v  14  Radnorshire Tigers
Malcolm Pratt                    Alun Edwards

OFFL CUP WINNERS: 

Radnorshire Tigers, managed by Alun Edwards

We have our OFFL Cup Winner!  And the Romance of the Cup is indeed very much alive.  Yes, twelfthly placed Radnorshire Tigers took on thirdly placed Malcolmyouplaysobadly and manager Edwards has finally left the defeated Pratt reeling with absolutely nothing to show for a season that had promised so much.

The Tigers finish the season in Eleventh, the Prattsters in Fourth.

The Quiz Book is yours Mr Edwards and it will be winging its way to you as soon as possible.

Malcolm, you leave with nothing.

And so, what of that League Table...?

Well our final Manager of the Week, Smasher, was overheard cursing and spitting "That Theo Thucking Thalcott" for 'What Could Have Been' after the Arsenal Midfielder's long-overdue hatrick had propelled Inter Milandrover into third place, 2 points behind the League Runners Up, RS-TBOY, and only 11 points behind confirmed Champions, Livercoolio.  Indeed time has run out on the rest of the league as Mr Bielby is crowned Champions for the second season running.

Congratulations, Russ.  A worthy winner and the first in OFFL History to have done it without having won a single Manager of the Week certificate all season!

A.

May.

Zing.

Worthy of note too, of course, is Lord Beaky of Beecroft.  Another Runners Up spot for the TBOYs to add to those achieved in 2009 & 2010.  Not that his colleague Bielby would ever dream of gloating about this fact.  Play nicely boys.  It's not beyond Our Most Gracious Chairman to fine you points for the beginning of next season.

If there is a next season, of course.

Thank you all for participating, please be thoughtful of the local residents as you leave here tonight and remember to stay safe on those roads out there.  You're all wonderful.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.9  4 392

 2 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3 12 383

 3 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8 19 381

 4 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4 11 376

 5 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8  2 365

 6 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.8 -3 361

 7 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.8  1 340

 8 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       52.7  8 332

 9 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.8  4 330

10 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 11 326

11 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.3 14 313

12 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1  4 310

13 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.9  6 303

14 Moobchester United        Jon King         54.3 11 296

15 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  6 279

16 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  53.4  3 268

17 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      54.6  1 267

18 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     54.8  0 259

19 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.6  4 256

20 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1 -4 249

21 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.8  6 242

22 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8 14 231

23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  1 148

24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7 -3 107

                             Week's Average Points      5

                             Total Average Points     296

---

Week 32: OFFL Cup Third Round Results

Not In Your Mum's Forest v The Flying Geese [OMG Chairman looks on]

Another Manager of the Week certificate goes to Smasher for the 21 points he snaffled for his Inter Milandrover.  This puts him level on Certificates with Sarah Bielby who both now top the MotW chart with 5 certificates each - which just goes to show you how pointless Manager of the Week certificates are to get a sense of OFFL success.  You see, both managers are struggling to keep up with the league leaders and, now, both are out of the cup.  Which is a rather insensitive way of telling Ms Bielby she was well and truly stuffed by Manchester United fan Jon King's Moobchester United in this week's OFFL Cup tie.

By a Manchester United fan.

Oof.

Now the Moobs are through to the Semi-Finals.  Let's a have butcher's hook at who else has suffered utter humiliation at the hands of lower league opposition...

OFFL Cup

ROUND THREE

Results, Wk32

Irishpool                12  v 17 Malcolmyouplaysobadly
Mike Smears                               Malcolm Pratt

Johnny's Heroes           7  v 17    Moobchester United
Sarah Bielby                                   Jon King

Blet Satters Mad Hatters 10  v 10    Radnorshire Tigers*
Gavin Ward                                 Alun Edwards

Not In Your Mum's Forest 20  v  8      The Flying Geese
Sarah Bingham                               Mandy Noble

*Radnorshire Tigers go through on PpP

After scraping through the last round by beating Moanchester Disunited 3 - 0, Alun Edwards's Radnorshire Tigers barely scrape through again this round by winning their tie on Points per Pound.  This week's head-scratching victims are Gavin Ward and his Blet Satters Mad Hatters. Don't worry Mr Ward, this time next year you'll be Milliners.

Do You See What I Did There?

Redolent of the warring matriarchs in 80s supersoap 'Dynasty', we witness an act of shoulder-padded feminist independence, and a clear show-off to try and impress all the boys, from Sarah 'Alexis' Bingham as she cattily dumps out fellow OFFL 'sista' Mandy 'Krystle' Noble.  Meanwhile, Irishpool's Mike Smears gallantly steps aside to let OFFL giant Big Mally and his Malcolmyouplaysobadly through with a charmingly polite "after you, Sir".  Such gracious masculine respect there.

Lovely.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.9 18 315
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4 17 309
 3 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8 21 291
 4 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3  9 290
 5 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.7 12 284
 6 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 20 279
 7 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8  7 279
 8 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 10 271
 9 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.8 14 268
10 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1  8 255

11 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 19 254
12 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.9 18 245
13 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.7 10 237
14 Moobchester United        Jon King         52.1 17 231
15 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6 12 224
16 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      54.6  5 205
17 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     54.8  8 201
18 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  7 200
19 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  4 193
20 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.6 12 192
21 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.8 11 189
22 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8 14 172
23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2 10 116
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7 -1  95


                             Week's Average Points     11
                             Total Average Points     233
---

Week 29: Reverse Leapfrog

Sarah Bielby unleapfrogging the Manager of the Week

The tussle for top continues between the Bielby and the Pratt.  "The BRuss" takes over this week thanks to some exquisite transfers last week. "The BRuss", however, knows his tenure could be short-lived as The Prattster has 8 transfers left to improve his team against Bielby's own 2.

RS-TBOY are still in with a shout if luck goes their way, of course.  Let's face it though, it won't.

And talking of transfers, the only Manager with zero transfers remaining for the season is this week's Manager of the Week.  Indeed, Smasher finished splurging his quota a couple of weeks ago but seemed to justify his decision by winning two MotW Certificates on the trot.  Inter Milandrover scored 11 points this week taking themselves into fourth.

Meanwhile in the League, has Neil's Diamonds' 10 points re-ignited the top ten finish hopes of manager McConaghy?  Has Pedro's Plodders lost the will to live?  And as for former Weakest Link winner, Sarah Bielby... imagine a slow motion leapfrog in reverse... that's what your team just did in the table with Inter Milandrover.  Minus 3.  Nice.

TRANSFERS REMAINING TABLE

                                           Wk 29 trans
PosTeam                      Manager        Total left
-----------------------------------------------------
17 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    177  12
22 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     147  12
23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   104  12
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite  93  12
21 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   155  11
18 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  176  10
11 Which Team                Rachel Jones     222   9
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    275   8
 5 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     256   7
 8 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   236   7
 7 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       240   6
10 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      228   6
15 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        193   6
16 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      178   6
19 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     173   6
13 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     206   5
 9 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    236   4
20 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    161   4
14 Moobchester United        Jon King         202   3
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      277   2
 6 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      246   2
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    267   1
12 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     216   1
 4 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          257   0


And, seeing as you couldn't give a monkey's about that table, how about this one instead?

MANAGER OF THE MONTH FOR FEBRUARY...

Lge                                            Value
PosManager               Team                   (m) Total
---------------------------------------------------------
 4 Smasher               Inter Milandrover     £53.8   46
 3 Rick Beecroft         RS-TBOY               £54.3   44
14 Jon King              Moobchester United    £52.1   36
 1 Russ Bielby           Livercoolio           £55.0   33
10 Mandy Noble           The Flying Geese      £54.1   32
 6 Mike Smears           Irishpool             £53.7   30
 2 Malcolm Pratt         Malcolmyouplaysobadly £54.4   25
19 Edgar Rayner          Didcot Rovers         £54.8   25
 9 Sarah Bingham         Not In Your Mum's Fore£54.7   25
18 Minty Colquhoun       A Bit Temperamintal   £55.0   22
 5 Sarah Bielby          Johnny's Heroes       £54.8   21
16 Chris Walsh           Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil  £54.6   21
15 Nick Reed             Couldn't be Hyppia    £54.6   20
21 Neil McConaghy        Neil's Diamonds       £54.8   20
 7 Gavin Ward            Blet Satters Mad Hatte£54.6   15
11 Rachel Jones          Which Team            £55.0   15
24 Pete Braithwaite      Pedro's Plodders      £46.7   13
23 Adrian Bradley        Awesome Athletic      £50.2   13
17 Alex Blundell         Moanchester Disunited £52.1   12
13 Dave Clayton          Pyeators              £54.3   10
 8 Stanley Wilson        Botley Yellow         £52.6    9
20 Ashley Keeler         It's A Snickers       £54.6    7
12 Alun Edwards          Radnorshire Tigers    £49.7    5
22 Craig McHugh          Real Mcdrid           £54.8    5


And the table that counts...

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      55.0  9 277
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4  5 275
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3  7 267
 4 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8 11 257
 5 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8 -3 256
 6 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.7 10 246
 7 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6  3 240
 8 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.6  4 236
 9 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  4 236
10 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1  9 228

11 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  4 222
12 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.7  1 216
13 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.3  3 206
14 Moobchester United        Jon King         52.1  2 202
15 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  5 193
16 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      54.6  6 178
17 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  6 177
18 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  7 176
19 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     54.8  9 173
20 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.6 -1 161
21 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.8 10 155
22 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  4 147
23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  4 104
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  2  93


                             Week's Average Points      5
                             Total Average Points     205

---

Week 28: Welcome Surprise!

Manager of the Week is, appropriately enough, Smasher.  Not the only welcome surprise for Inter Milandrover's manager this week.  The haul of 19 points hoists Inter up three places into fifth in the league - a league that is still headed by Malcolm's Malcolmyouplaysobadly.

That is all for this week.

No reason.

Bit tied up. And that.

Innnit.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.4  4 270
 2 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      55.0  5 268
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    54.3 17 260
 4 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8  7 259
 5 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          53.8 19 246
 6 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 -2 237
 7 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.7  8 236
 8 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.6  3 232
 9 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  9 232
10 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1 13 219
11 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  7 218
12 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.7  3 215
13 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.3  1 203
14 Moobchester United        Jon King         52.1  6 200
15 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  6 188
16 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      54.6  5 172
17 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  6 171
18 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  9 169
19 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     54.8  8 164
20 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.6  3 162
21 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.8  4 145
22 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  1 143
23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  3 100
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  5  91


                             Week's Average Points      6
                             Total Average Points     200
---

Week 25: Never Mind the Pistols

A Slippery Thrashing Fish 

As the dust of last week's Manager of the Week certificate winner bonanza finally settles the dirt cloud clears to show one of those managers still standing, spinning his Smith & Wesson on his hooked forefinger before fumbling it, like a slippery fish thrashing around for its life, back into its holster, dropping it twice.

For Smasher, last week's exploits was not just a feeble flash in the pants, oh no.  He or she is again Manager of the Week after steering Inter Milandrover to an impressive 15 points.  A climb of two places in the league is the real reward.

Meanwhile, Jon King tries to spice up his zero points this week by submitting three, long overdue, transfers helping distract the rest of us away from Gavin Ward's 'interesting' score.

But never mind all that tosh.  It's OFFL Cup time!

[PLAYS INTRO TO MC HAMMER'S "HAMMERTIME" TO FADE]

Playing this week...

OFFL Cup

Second Round

Radnorshire Tigers        v  Moanchester Disunited
Alun Edwards                 Alex Blundell

Couldn't be Hyppia        v  Johnny's Heroes
Nick Reed                    Sarah Bielby

Blet Satters Mad Hatters  v  Pyeators
Gavin Ward                   Dave Clayton

Inter Milandrover         v  The Flying Geese
Smasher                      Mandy Noble

Moobchester United        v  Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil
Jon King                     Chris Walsh

Irishpool                 v  Livercoolio
Mike Smears                  Russ Bielby

A Bit Temperamintal       v  Malcolmyouplaysobadly
Minty Colquhoun              Malcolm Pratt

Not In Your Mum's Forest  v  Botley Yellow
Sarah Bingham                Stanley Wilson

Good luck all.  And, yes, it looks like we do have a Cup prize this year.  A football trivia book, waiting to be sent out to one of you lucky Cup survivors.  More details to follow.

Probably.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.6  9 250

 2 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      55.0  3 244

 3 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.8  4 235

 4 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   52.1  5 227

 5 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 -1 225

 6 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    52.2  5 223

 7 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.7  5 216

 8 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.7  5 211

 9 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.0 15 211

10 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 10 211

11 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 10 207

12 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1 10 196

13 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0  4 196

14 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  6 173

15 Moobchester United        Jon King         51.7  0 166

16 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  4 165

17 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      54.6  9 157

18 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.6  3 154

19 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  7 154

20 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     54.8  9 148

21 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  9 142

22 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.8  8 135

23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  7  91

24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  5  80

                             Week's Average Points      6

                             Total Average Points     184

---

Week 24: Romance of the Cup

Romance of the Cup

A low scoring week this week, it's true but do try and avoid letting that devalue the Manager of the Week certificate.  They used to say that the FA Cup was a devalued competition too, don't forget and look what happened at the weekend there.  Now, simply because 8 managers jointly claim this week's Manager of the Week certificate based on a piddly score of just 3 points does not make it any less joyful a thing to behold.  So, like the FA Cup, we'll never poo-poo the Manager of the Week certificate ever again, will we?

So, there are 8 Managers of the Week this week: Malcolm Pratt, Sarah Bielby, Alun Edwards, Rachel Jones, Smasher, Dave Clayton, Nick Reed and Chris Walsh.  Congratulations all and don't ever let it be said that you aren't worthy winners.

3 of those Certificate winners are also this week's Highest Climbers: Chris Walsh, Nick Reed, Malcolm Pratt - congrats, up one place each.  For Mr Pratt, it's even more significant as it puts Malcolmyouplaysobadly at the top of the table (based on Points per Pound). Congratulations.  And how exciting.  Equal scores at the top.

A waistcoat button from OMG Chairman has just pinged off through air in excitement.

Take note, last chance for transfers to be made before the next OFFL Cup round coming up...

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.6  3 241
 2 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      55.0  0 241
 3 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.0  3 231
 4 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6  0 226
 5 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    52.2  0 218
 6 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      53.6  0 211
 7 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.7  3 206
 8 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  0 199
 9 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  3 197
10 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.2  3 196

11 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0  3 192
12 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7  0 186
13 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.1  0 186
14 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  3 167
15 Moobchester United        Jon King         51.7  0 166
16 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  0 161
17 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.6  0 151
18 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      54.6  3 148
19 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  0 147
20 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     54.8  0 139
21 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  0 133
22 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1  0 127
23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  0  84
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  0  75


                             Week's Average Points      1
                             Total Average Points     176
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