Week 20: Zartog Strikes Back

Manager of the Week is NOT Sarah Bielby.  That is a fact.  Read it.  Take it on board people.  It's like a new dawn or something.  A New Christmas Dawn.

No it's not.  She may not have nabbed the certificate but her Johnny's Heroes have snaffled Second place to her husband's First.  This season is turning into a Bielby rout.

Happily, though probably initiating another cantankerous rant, the Manager of the Week certificate has actually gone to Mike Smears.  His Irishpool score a massive 38 points pushing themselves into the lofty position of Fourth.

Oh Lofty, Michelle NEVER loved you.

OFFL Cup

Group Stages, So Far

Group A                        Value  Wk20
------------------------------------------
  Inter Milandrover             54.2    35
  Livercoolio                   55.0    28
  It's A Snickers               54.6    19

Group B                        Value  Wk20
------------------------------------------
  Blet Satters Mad Hatters      54.6    25
  Malcolmyouplaysobadly         54.8    19
  Real Mcdrid                   54.8    15

Group C                        Value  Wk20
------------------------------------------
  Irishpool                     54.8    38
  A Bit Temperamintal           55.0    29
  RS-TBOY                       52.2    19

Group D                        Value  Wk20
------------------------------------------
  Pyeators                      55.0    23
  Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil          50.0    21
  Which Team                    55.0    21

Group E                        Value  Wk20
------------------------------------------
  Johnny's Heroes               54.0    33
  Moanchester Disunited         52.1    26
  Didcot Rovers                 55.0    10

Group F                        Value  Wk20
------------------------------------------
  The Flying Geese              54.2    30
  Neil's Diamonds               54.1    24
  Not In Your Mum's Forest      54.7    18

Group G                        Value  Wk20
------------------------------------------
  Botley Yellow                 51.7    24
  Couldn't be Hyppia            54.6    24
  Awesome Athletic              50.2    13

Group H                        Value  Wk20
------------------------------------------
  Radnorshire Tigers            49.7    25
  Moobchester United            51.7    23
  Pedro's Plodders              46.7     9

One more week of this left and we'll know who's in and who's out.

Pedro's probably out, let's face it.

Well that's it for 2014, now you can go back to watching Mary Poppins.  Or a repeat of the Big Bang Theory.

Or Space Chimps 2: Zartog Strikes Back.

Have a safe New Year.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      55.0 28 201
 2 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.0 33 196
 3 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 19 194
 4 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.8 38 185
 5 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 21 183
 6 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    52.2 19 176
 7 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.7 25 174
 8 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.3 35 173
 9 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 18 167
10 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 25 164

11 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7 24 162
12 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1 26 154
13 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.2 30 154
14 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0 23 152
15 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.6 19 144
16 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0 29 138
17 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6 24 136
18 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      50.0 21 124
19 Moobchester United        Jon King         51.7 23 124
20 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0 10 121
21 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8 15 120
22 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1 24 112
23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2 13  81
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  9  60


                             Week's Average Points     22
                             Total Average Points     149
---

Angelina Jolie does not feature in this post.  Neither does Emma Watson.  Nor does Rihanna, Zoella, Tanya Burr, Robin Williams, men in nappies, mature women nor any other high ranking search engine terms.

Week 19: Christmas Lovin' Happened So Fast

Sarah and Russ Bloody Bielby

Wella, wella, wella, oof!

Look at that.  Big Mally's Malcolmyouplaysobadly have pinched back the number one spot from Russ Bielby.  Meanwhile, Russ's middle name of 'Bloody' has been passed across to his wife, Sarah 'Bloody' Bielby whose Johnny's Heroes has won her YET ANOTHER Manager of the Week Certificate by scoring 20 points this week.  The Heroes are up to third in the table.

The rest of the week has seen the usual ups and downs of the other managers who all merrily toast the good fortune of the Bielby's without a hint of jealousy because it is the season of good will to all men [and women] isn't it?

*Pause*

[Silence]

I said "ISN'T IT?"

*Pause*

[Reluctant murmur of concurrence]

That's more like it.

And yes, I'm particularly talking to you Stanley Wilson and Nick Reed.  And you can wipe that smug look of your face too Chris Walsh.

Happy Bloody Christmas.

And now the cup begins...

OFFL Cup

First Round

Group A                       Value
  Livercoolio                   55.0
  Inter Milandrover             54.6
  It's A Snickers               54.9

Group B
  Malcolmyouplaysobadly         54.8
  Blet Satters Mad Hatters      54.6
  Real Mcdrid                   54.8

Group C
  RS-TBOY                       55.0
  Irishpool                     54.8
  A Bit Temperamintal           55.0

Group D
  Which Team                    55.0
  Pyeators                      55.0
  Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil          50.0

Group E
  Johnny's Heroes               54.9
  Moanchester Disunited         52.1
  Didcot Rovers                 55.0

Group F
  Not In Your Mum's Forest      54.7
  The Flying Geese              54.2
  Neil's Diamonds               54.1

Group G
  Botley Yellow                 51.7
  Couldn't be Hyppia            54.6
  Awesome Athletic              50.2

Group H
  Radnorshire Tigers            52.6
  Moobchester United            51.7
  Pedro's Plodders              46.7
  

Good luck.  And Happy Christmas.  

You're all rather lovely.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 12 175
 2 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      55.0  6 173
 3 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.0 20 163
 4 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  8 162
 5 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  1 157
 6 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     49.7 10 149
 7 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  8 149
 8 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.8  3 147
 9 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       53.9 11 139
10 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7 -1 138

11 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  4 138
12 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0  7 129
13 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  4 128
14 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9  7 125
15 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.2  4 124
16 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  0 112
17 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0  3 111
18 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  5 109
19 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  5 105
20 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      50.0  1 103
21 Moobchester United        Jon King         51.7  6 101
22 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1  9  88
23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  8  68
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  4  51


                             Week's Average Points      6
                             Total Average Points     126

---

Week 18: Fernando Who?

Rachel Jones: including herself

Yet again, laziness has proved the best form of management for one Mr Keeler.  Well, that is if his sole intent is to get Manager of the Week certificates - and we don't mean finding the bottom of one of his Reeboks inside a marquee.

[PAUSE to give the slow ones amongst you time to get to that rather feeble gag.  No?  OK, you'll probably enjoy that one on your way home tonight then]

And before the unnecessary smart Alec square bracket comments detract from the opening premise let us focus on the matter at hand.  We wouldn't want to spin off into an uncontrollable tangent now would we?

Manager of the Week.  Ashley Keeler.  25 points.  Last transfer was the removal of Fernando Torres CHE.

[Exactly... Fernando who?].

You're lazy, Mr Keeler.  LAZY.

It's A Snickers climb two places.

There.

In other notable nonsense, our Highest Climber this week is The Venerable Smears's Irishpool who leapfrog five places into Fifth.  This is all while the Lovely Rachel Jones sneakily includes herself in the top four peloton*, only 13 points behind leader Boy Bielby.

Keep enjoying the Christmas run up won't you?

* this instance of the word 'Peloton' appears courtesy of the 2012 London Olympics

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      55.0  5 167
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8  9 163
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  3 156
 4 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 16 154
 5 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.8 17 144
 6 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9  7 143
 7 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  7 141
 8 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7  7 139
 9 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     52.6  8 139
10 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  5 134

11 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6  1 128
12 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1 13 124
13 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0  3 122
14 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.2 12 120
15 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9 25 118
16 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  9 112
17 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0 19 108
18 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0 14 104
19 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      50.0 13 102
20 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  8 100
21 Moobchester United        Jon King         51.7  1  95
22 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1  9  79
23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  6  60
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  3  47


                             Week's Average Points      9
                             Total Average Points     120
---

Week 17: OFFL Cup First Round

Two examples of an inclination.

While Our Most Gracious Chairman considers another Christmas of inadequate present-giving and lonely hangovers, yet another Manager of the Week certificate flies up to Sarah Bielby.  Her Johnny's Heroes not only pooper-scooped 23 points this week but also scrambled up a steep four place gradient in the league.

Meanwhile, tumbling down that same gradient, plummeting five places - lowest faller for quite some time - is Inter Milandrover.  It's probably appropriate now to observe a minute's silence but we simply don't have the time.

Nor the inclination.

Russell Bielby increases his lead at the top of the table by 3 points.

Yes.  We HAVE all had enough of The Bielbys by now.

Not so Awesome Athletic *snigger*, 2 points.

The OFFL Cup

Group Stages, to be played over the Christmas period

Group A                       Value
  Livercoolio                   55.0
  Inter Milandrover             54.6
  It's A Snickers               54.9

Group B
  Malcolmyouplaysobadly         54.8
  Blet Satters Mad Hatters      54.6
  Real Mcdrid                   54.8

Group C
  RS-TBOY                       55.0
  Irishpool                     54.8
  A Bit Temperamintal           55.0

Group D
  Which Team                    55.0
  Pyeators                      55.0
  Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil          50.0

Group E
  Johnny's Heroes               54.9
  Moanchester Disunited         52.1
  Didcot Rovers                 55.0

Group F
  Not In Your Mum's Forest      54.7
  The Flying Geese              54.2
  Neil's Diamonds               54.1

Group G
  Botley Yellow                 51.7
  Couldn't be Hyppia            54.6
  Awesome Athletic              50.2

Group H
  Radnorshire Tigers            52.6
  Moobchester United            51.7
  Pedro's Plodders              46.7
 
Bottom placed teams get knocked out.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8 21 162
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 18 154
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0 20 153
 4 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 17 138
 5 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9 23 136
 6 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 13 134
 7 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7 13 132
 8 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     52.6 14 131
 9 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  5 129
10 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 20 127

11 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.8 14 127
12 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0  6 119
13 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1 12 111
14 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.7 14 108
15 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6 13 103
16 Moobchester United        Jon King         51.7  9  94
17 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9 16  93
18 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8 17  92
19 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  8  90
20 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      48.9 16  89
21 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0 18  89
22 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1 11  70
23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  2  54
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  5  44


                             Week's Average Points     13
                             Total Average Points     111
---

Week 16: A Bit TemperaBental

Bent: hard of hearing

Ironic that as soon as her star striker, Darren Bent, leaves the Premiership for the Championship [scoring the opener for his new team, as it happens] then the rest of her team perk up, put in a performance and pull in enough points to win a Manager of the Week Certificate for Ms Minty Colquhoun.  Yes, Minty, you ARE this week's Manager of the Week - Congratulations.  Indeed, A Bit Temperamintal snaffled 16 points from a week that saw Our Leaders take just 5.  The 'Mintals climb two places.

Now it's time to look at the newly monikered 'Team of the Month for November' table.  Astonishingly, Nick Reed's Couldn't Be Hyppia have had the best month with 49 points, begging the question "Why currently only fifteenth?".

The next month may well provide an answer.

Team of the Month for November

 Lge
 Pos Team                          £m    Nov
 -------------------------------------------
  15 Couldn't be Hyppia           54.6    49
  10 Johnny's Heroes              54.9    46
   5 Not In Your Mum's Forest     54.7    42
   7 Botley Yellow                51.7    41
   1 Livercoolio                  54.8    41
   3 RS-TBOY                      55.0    41
  22 Neil's Diamonds              54.1    40
  18 It's A Snickers              54.9    38
   2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly        54.8    37
  14 The Flying Geese             54.7    36
   6 Which Team                   55.0    36
  17 A Bit Temperamintal          55.0    36
   9 Irishpool                    54.8    34
   4 Inter Milandrover            54.6    33
   8 Radnorshire Tigers           52.6    30
  12 Blet Satters Mad Hatters     54.6    30
  13 Moanchester Disunited        52.1    28
  11 Pyeators                     55.0    25
  16 Moobchester United           51.7    19
  21 Didcot Rovers                55.0    19
  20 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil         48.9    18
  19 Real Mcdrid                  54.8    17
  23 Awesome Athletic             50.2    14
  24 Pedro's Plodders             46.7     3

...and finally

The OFFL Cup

By the end of next week your team's league position will determine which qualifying mini-group you'll be in.  Each mini-group will consist of three teams.  The team that ends up bottom of their group [using the scores taken from over the Christmas Period] will be eliminated from the competition.

Group A will be made up of the teams who rest in 1st, 9th and 17th
Group B will be made up of the teams who rest in 2nd, 10th and 18th... etc

Even Pedro's Plodders should be able to work that one out.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8  5 141

 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8  6 136

 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  6 133

 4 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  3 124

 5 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  8 121

 6 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 10 121

 7 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7  8 119

 8 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     52.6  8 117

 9 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.4 12 113

10 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.7  2 113

11 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9 10 113

12 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6  5 107

13 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  9  99

14 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.7 15  94

15 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6 13  90

16 Moobchester United        Jon King         51.7 -1  85

17 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0 16  82

18 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9 14  77

19 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  2  75

20 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      48.9  5  73

21 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0 12  71

22 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1 10  59

23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  2  52

24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  3  39

                             Week's Average Points      7

                             Total Average Points      98

---

Week 14 & 15: Another Year

Another year older, another year cantankerouser. Yes, a new word there for a new birthday for the not so new Mr Mike Smears.  Double congratulations go to the aged Manager of Irishpool, not only for his umpteenth birthday but also for his jump over the 100 point mark.  Careful of that back, Sir.

Congratulations also go to the not so old and very much youthful Sarah Bielby.  This little good-time minx, and much respected wife of current leader Russ, fish-netted a marvellous 14 points for the week - her Johnny's Heroes winning another Manager of the Week certificate for their leggy stunner of a manager.

And while you're wondering why we'd want to squeeze yet another paragraph of nonsense into this once renowned regular missive when there really isn't that much to talk about this week, we'll gently hint at the OFFL Cup first round.  League positions at the end of Week 17 will be used to determine seedings. Then the scores over the Christmas period will be used to determine who goes through to the knockout stages.  And the prize this year?

Well wouldn't YOU like to know?

[Voice continues in muffled mumblings amongst the jumbled junk of the loft]

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8  6 136

 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8  3 130

 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  6 127

 4 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  8 121

 5 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  9 113

 6 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7  7 111

 7 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.7  8 111

 8 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  7 111

 9 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     52.6  8 109

10 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9 14 103

11 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6  3 102

12 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.4  7 101

13 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  5  90

14 Moobchester United        Jon King         51.7  5  86

15 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.7  8  79

16 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6 11  77

17 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  3  73

18 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      48.9  0  68

19 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  4  66

20 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9  2  63

21 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0  2  59

22 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  4  50

23 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1  6  49

24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7 -1  36

                             Week's Average Points      5

                             Total Average Points      90

---

Week 13: Did What Rovers?

Much sought after

We have a manager amongst us who likes bags.  He collects them, in fact. Every once in a while he spots a special one that takes his fancy and launches himself into a highly focussed campaign to achieve possession.  According to bag-collecting folklore, there is one bag that is pursued above all others.  A bag that ranks highest over all other bags.

It is made of hessian, smells slightly of damp earth and is a thing of 'real beauty'. A unique cloth-like container of things.  Bag enthusiast, Edgar Rayner, finally treated himself to it.

Yes, after a string of very poor results last week and, more importantly, a mild mannered gloat from a former colleague with siemens all over her email signature, the Didcot Rovers' manager treated himself to a new addition for his collection.

He gave himself The Sack.

And if you think that was far too elaborate a set up for such a disappointing punch line then just think about this to distract yourself... Edgar Rayner's transfer policies over the past few seasons have left him with no choice but to relieve himself.

Of his duties.

If it's any consolation, the aforementioned former gloating colleague, Rachel Jones, has herself plopped down the league, falling three places with her Which Team.

It's not is it?

Meanwhile, Manager of the Week is Rick Beecroft, earning his TBOYS 20 points and consolidating their third place in the league.  They're catching up the two teams who are currently taking it in turns to enjoy the number one spot - Russ Bielby's Livercoolio overtakes Malcolmyouplaysobadly up there once more.

Worthy of mention too is late-arriving Niel's Diamonds: finally off the bottom of the table and clawing through the lower of the low-achieving teams. Only a gap of 87 points to catch up, eh?


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8 19 130
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 13 127
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0 20 121
 4 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6 16 113
 5 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7 12 104
 6 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 17 104
 7 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  5 104
 8 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.7 11 103
 9 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     53.2 13 101
10 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 12  99

11 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.4  9  94
12 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9 14  89
13 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  4  85
14 Moobchester United        Jon King         51.7 13  81
15 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.7  2  71
16 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  9  70
17 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      48.9 12  68
18 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  9  66
19 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  7  62
20 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9  5  61
21 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0  2  57
22 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  4  46
23 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1 14  43
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  2  37


                             Week's Average Points     10
                             Total Average Points      84

Week 12: Snicked it

Ash Keeler Goes Large this week

It's A Snickers has skilfully developed an enviable record of consistency over the last few years.  Yes, it's one of abject underachievement and disastrous manoeuvring in the transfer market but it is consistent. Manager Ash Keeler, currently scouting for boys in Australia [for his "youth academy"], has never asked much from life, ignoring the beard trimmer he got last Christmas.  But this week, it seems his desire for success has been tickled.  A fortuitous week has seen his Snickers kick and nick the pick of the week's points.

Tick.

17 points earns Mr Keeler the Manager of the Week Certificate for Week 12.  Congratulations to him.  His team have moved up two places into nineteenth.  May the push for the title gather momentum.

It's going to need it.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 15 114
 2 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8 11 111
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  9 101
 4 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 14  99
 5 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  6  98
 6 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7 14  92
 7 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0  4  92
 8 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     53.2  1  88
 9 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 10  87
10 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  8  87

11 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.4  6  85
12 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1 10  81
13 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9  8  75
14 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.7 11  69
15 Moobchester United        Jon King         51.7  2  68
16 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  3  61
17 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6 16  57
18 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      48.9  1  56
19 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9 17  56
20 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  9  55
21 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0  3  55
22 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  4  42
23 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7 -1  35
24 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1 10  29


                             Week's Average Points      7
                             Total Average Points      74
---

Week 11: Eight teams worse off

This season, we're eight teams worse off

And with the passing of Week 11 we find ourselves with a team on the 100 point mark.  Congratulations to our new leader, Russ Bielby and his Livercoolio.

Interestingly, at this stage of the season last year, 8 teams would have been ahead of Mr Bielby.  Yes, eight.

Eight.

14 points for the Pyeators sees this week's Manager of the Week Certificate go the way of the Dave [Clayton].  Congratulations Mr Clayton, this shoves you up three places into fifth with all your transfers still intact.

Scarily promising then.

In the meantime, we see Russ Bielby also claim Manager of the Month for October with his colleague, Rick Beecroft, only down in second due to a Points per Pound [PpP] valuation that doesn't really hold up to scrutiny when transfers are taken into account over the month so let's leave it there shall we lah-di-dah and all that innit.

Standings for the month of October.

   Team                         ££.£   Pts
------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                  54.8    45
 2 RS-TBOY                      55.0    45
 3 Not In Your Mum's Forest     54.7    42
 4 Blet Satters Mad Hatters     54.6    35
 5 Malcolmyouplaysobadly        54.8    35
 6 Pyeators                     55.0    35
 7 Johnny's Heroes              54.9    33
 8 Irishpool                    54.4    29
 9 Inter Milandrover            54.6    29
10 Which Team                   55.0    26

11 Moobchester United           54.5    25
12 Couldn't be Hyppia           54.6    25
13 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil         48.9    23
14 Radnorshire Tigers           53.2    23
15 It's A Snickers              54.9    23
16 Botley Yellow                51.7    19
17 A Bit Temperamintal          55.0    18
18 The Flying Geese             54.7    15
19 Awesome Athletic             50.2    14
20 Pedro's Plodders             46.7    13
21 Moanchester Disunited        52.1    13
22 Real Mcdrid                  54.8    10
23 Didcot Rovers                55.0    10

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8 11 100

 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8  8  99

 3 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  7  92

 4 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  9  92

 5 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0 14  88

 6 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     53.2  9  87

 7 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  5  85

 8 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.4  7  79

 9 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  3  79

10 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7 12  78

11 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6  9  77

12 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  9  71

13 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9  1  67

14 Moobchester United        Jon King         54.5  1  66

15 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.7  8  58

16 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  0  58

17 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      48.9 12  55

18 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0  2  52

19 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0 10  46

20 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  7  41

21 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9 12  39

22 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  8  38

23 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  1  36

24 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1  8  19

---

Week 09 & 10: Whingers and Losers

Wholly Moses

After watching Swansea Manager, Gary Monk, have a pop at both the match referee and a certain Stoke City player 'who brought back the tablets from Mount Sinai [allegedly] three and a half thousand years back', Studmarks HQ are reminded that there's a time and a place for a bloody good moan.

For Sarah Bingham, the time is not now and the place is not here.  She is this week's Manager of the Week.  Congratulations.  Her Not In Your Mum's Forest scored a flourishingly fecund 24 points - and that was without Sergio Aguero in her team.

This score also makes Ms Bingham the Highest Climber this week.  Indeed, breathtakingly whizzing past each other in the table is she and lowest descender Alex Blundell.  Proof that, and as is always the case, when goals are scored by one team they are, sadly, also conceded by the other.  In this case, the week's Premiership results have elevated Ms Bingbong up seven places and demoted Mr Blunbong seven places.

If the Chairman's personal call log is anything to go by, Mr Blundell has been desperately trying to get through to submit some verbal transfer requests in the hope of arresting his team's decline.  Too bad OMG Chairman has so many so many of his own Press Conferences to attend.  Either that or the Moanchester Manager just wants a bloody good moan.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 19  91

 2 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8 19  89

 3 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  7  83

 4 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0 19  83

 5 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 10  80

 6 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     53.2 -1  78

 7 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 24  76

 8 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0  7  74

 9 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.4 12  72

10 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 14  68

11 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7  4  66

12 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9 15  66

13 Moobchester United        Jon King         54.5  7  65

14 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1 -5  62

15 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8 -4  58

16 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.0 -2  50

17 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0  0  50

18 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      48.9 -3  43

19 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  3  36

20 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  2  35

21 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6 11  34

22 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2 -2  30

23 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9  4  27

24 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1 11  11

                             Week's Average Points      7

                             Total Average Points      59