Week 16: A Bit TemperaBental

Bent: hard of hearing

Ironic that as soon as her star striker, Darren Bent, leaves the Premiership for the Championship [scoring the opener for his new team, as it happens] then the rest of her team perk up, put in a performance and pull in enough points to win a Manager of the Week Certificate for Ms Minty Colquhoun.  Yes, Minty, you ARE this week's Manager of the Week - Congratulations.  Indeed, A Bit Temperamintal snaffled 16 points from a week that saw Our Leaders take just 5.  The 'Mintals climb two places.

Now it's time to look at the newly monikered 'Team of the Month for November' table.  Astonishingly, Nick Reed's Couldn't Be Hyppia have had the best month with 49 points, begging the question "Why currently only fifteenth?".

The next month may well provide an answer.

Team of the Month for November

 Lge
 Pos Team                          £m    Nov
 -------------------------------------------
  15 Couldn't be Hyppia           54.6    49
  10 Johnny's Heroes              54.9    46
   5 Not In Your Mum's Forest     54.7    42
   7 Botley Yellow                51.7    41
   1 Livercoolio                  54.8    41
   3 RS-TBOY                      55.0    41
  22 Neil's Diamonds              54.1    40
  18 It's A Snickers              54.9    38
   2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly        54.8    37
  14 The Flying Geese             54.7    36
   6 Which Team                   55.0    36
  17 A Bit Temperamintal          55.0    36
   9 Irishpool                    54.8    34
   4 Inter Milandrover            54.6    33
   8 Radnorshire Tigers           52.6    30
  12 Blet Satters Mad Hatters     54.6    30
  13 Moanchester Disunited        52.1    28
  11 Pyeators                     55.0    25
  16 Moobchester United           51.7    19
  21 Didcot Rovers                55.0    19
  20 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil         48.9    18
  19 Real Mcdrid                  54.8    17
  23 Awesome Athletic             50.2    14
  24 Pedro's Plodders             46.7     3

...and finally

The OFFL Cup

By the end of next week your team's league position will determine which qualifying mini-group you'll be in.  Each mini-group will consist of three teams.  The team that ends up bottom of their group [using the scores taken from over the Christmas Period] will be eliminated from the competition.

Group A will be made up of the teams who rest in 1st, 9th and 17th
Group B will be made up of the teams who rest in 2nd, 10th and 18th... etc

Even Pedro's Plodders should be able to work that one out.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8  5 141

 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8  6 136

 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  6 133

 4 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  3 124

 5 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  8 121

 6 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 10 121

 7 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7  8 119

 8 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     52.6  8 117

 9 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.4 12 113

10 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.7  2 113

11 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9 10 113

12 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6  5 107

13 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  9  99

14 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.7 15  94

15 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6 13  90

16 Moobchester United        Jon King         51.7 -1  85

17 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0 16  82

18 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9 14  77

19 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  2  75

20 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      48.9  5  73

21 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0 12  71

22 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1 10  59

23 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  2  52

24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  3  39

                             Week's Average Points      7

                             Total Average Points      98

---

Week 14 & 15: Another Year

Another year older, another year cantankerouser. Yes, a new word there for a new birthday for the not so new Mr Mike Smears.  Double congratulations go to the aged Manager of Irishpool, not only for his umpteenth birthday but also for his jump over the 100 point mark.  Careful of that back, Sir.

Congratulations also go to the not so old and very much youthful Sarah Bielby.  This little good-time minx, and much respected wife of current leader Russ, fish-netted a marvellous 14 points for the week - her Johnny's Heroes winning another Manager of the Week certificate for their leggy stunner of a manager.

And while you're wondering why we'd want to squeeze yet another paragraph of nonsense into this once renowned regular missive when there really isn't that much to talk about this week, we'll gently hint at the OFFL Cup first round.  League positions at the end of Week 17 will be used to determine seedings. Then the scores over the Christmas period will be used to determine who goes through to the knockout stages.  And the prize this year?

Well wouldn't YOU like to know?

[Voice continues in muffled mumblings amongst the jumbled junk of the loft]

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8  6 136

 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8  3 130

 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  6 127

 4 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  8 121

 5 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  9 113

 6 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7  7 111

 7 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.7  8 111

 8 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  7 111

 9 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     52.6  8 109

10 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9 14 103

11 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6  3 102

12 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.4  7 101

13 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  5  90

14 Moobchester United        Jon King         51.7  5  86

15 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.7  8  79

16 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6 11  77

17 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  3  73

18 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      48.9  0  68

19 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  4  66

20 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9  2  63

21 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0  2  59

22 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  4  50

23 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1  6  49

24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7 -1  36

                             Week's Average Points      5

                             Total Average Points      90

---

Week 13: Did What Rovers?

Much sought after

We have a manager amongst us who likes bags.  He collects them, in fact. Every once in a while he spots a special one that takes his fancy and launches himself into a highly focussed campaign to achieve possession.  According to bag-collecting folklore, there is one bag that is pursued above all others.  A bag that ranks highest over all other bags.

It is made of hessian, smells slightly of damp earth and is a thing of 'real beauty'. A unique cloth-like container of things.  Bag enthusiast, Edgar Rayner, finally treated himself to it.

Yes, after a string of very poor results last week and, more importantly, a mild mannered gloat from a former colleague with siemens all over her email signature, the Didcot Rovers' manager treated himself to a new addition for his collection.

He gave himself The Sack.

And if you think that was far too elaborate a set up for such a disappointing punch line then just think about this to distract yourself... Edgar Rayner's transfer policies over the past few seasons have left him with no choice but to relieve himself.

Of his duties.

If it's any consolation, the aforementioned former gloating colleague, Rachel Jones, has herself plopped down the league, falling three places with her Which Team.

It's not is it?

Meanwhile, Manager of the Week is Rick Beecroft, earning his TBOYS 20 points and consolidating their third place in the league.  They're catching up the two teams who are currently taking it in turns to enjoy the number one spot - Russ Bielby's Livercoolio overtakes Malcolmyouplaysobadly up there once more.

Worthy of mention too is late-arriving Niel's Diamonds: finally off the bottom of the table and clawing through the lower of the low-achieving teams. Only a gap of 87 points to catch up, eh?


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8 19 130
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 13 127
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0 20 121
 4 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6 16 113
 5 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7 12 104
 6 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 17 104
 7 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  5 104
 8 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     54.7 11 103
 9 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     53.2 13 101
10 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 12  99

11 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.4  9  94
12 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9 14  89
13 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  4  85
14 Moobchester United        Jon King         51.7 13  81
15 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.7  2  71
16 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  9  70
17 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      48.9 12  68
18 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  9  66
19 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  7  62
20 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9  5  61
21 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0  2  57
22 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  4  46
23 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1 14  43
24 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  2  37


                             Week's Average Points     10
                             Total Average Points      84

Week 12: Snicked it

Ash Keeler Goes Large this week

It's A Snickers has skilfully developed an enviable record of consistency over the last few years.  Yes, it's one of abject underachievement and disastrous manoeuvring in the transfer market but it is consistent. Manager Ash Keeler, currently scouting for boys in Australia [for his "youth academy"], has never asked much from life, ignoring the beard trimmer he got last Christmas.  But this week, it seems his desire for success has been tickled.  A fortuitous week has seen his Snickers kick and nick the pick of the week's points.

Tick.

17 points earns Mr Keeler the Manager of the Week Certificate for Week 12.  Congratulations to him.  His team have moved up two places into nineteenth.  May the push for the title gather momentum.

It's going to need it.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 15 114
 2 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8 11 111
 3 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  9 101
 4 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 14  99
 5 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  6  98
 6 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7 14  92
 7 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0  4  92
 8 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     53.2  1  88
 9 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 10  87
10 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  8  87

11 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.4  6  85
12 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1 10  81
13 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9  8  75
14 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.7 11  69
15 Moobchester United        Jon King         51.7  2  68
16 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  3  61
17 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6 16  57
18 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      48.9  1  56
19 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9 17  56
20 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  9  55
21 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0  3  55
22 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  4  42
23 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7 -1  35
24 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1 10  29


                             Week's Average Points      7
                             Total Average Points      74
---

Week 11: Eight teams worse off

This season, we're eight teams worse off

And with the passing of Week 11 we find ourselves with a team on the 100 point mark.  Congratulations to our new leader, Russ Bielby and his Livercoolio.

Interestingly, at this stage of the season last year, 8 teams would have been ahead of Mr Bielby.  Yes, eight.

Eight.

14 points for the Pyeators sees this week's Manager of the Week Certificate go the way of the Dave [Clayton].  Congratulations Mr Clayton, this shoves you up three places into fifth with all your transfers still intact.

Scarily promising then.

In the meantime, we see Russ Bielby also claim Manager of the Month for October with his colleague, Rick Beecroft, only down in second due to a Points per Pound [PpP] valuation that doesn't really hold up to scrutiny when transfers are taken into account over the month so let's leave it there shall we lah-di-dah and all that innit.

Standings for the month of October.

   Team                         ££.£   Pts
------------------------------------------
 1 Livercoolio                  54.8    45
 2 RS-TBOY                      55.0    45
 3 Not In Your Mum's Forest     54.7    42
 4 Blet Satters Mad Hatters     54.6    35
 5 Malcolmyouplaysobadly        54.8    35
 6 Pyeators                     55.0    35
 7 Johnny's Heroes              54.9    33
 8 Irishpool                    54.4    29
 9 Inter Milandrover            54.6    29
10 Which Team                   55.0    26

11 Moobchester United           54.5    25
12 Couldn't be Hyppia           54.6    25
13 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil         48.9    23
14 Radnorshire Tigers           53.2    23
15 It's A Snickers              54.9    23
16 Botley Yellow                51.7    19
17 A Bit Temperamintal          55.0    18
18 The Flying Geese             54.7    15
19 Awesome Athletic             50.2    14
20 Pedro's Plodders             46.7    13
21 Moanchester Disunited        52.1    13
22 Real Mcdrid                  54.8    10
23 Didcot Rovers                55.0    10

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8 11 100

 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8  8  99

 3 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  7  92

 4 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0  9  92

 5 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0 14  88

 6 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     53.2  9  87

 7 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0  5  85

 8 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.4  7  79

 9 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7  3  79

10 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7 12  78

11 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6  9  77

12 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  9  71

13 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9  1  67

14 Moobchester United        Jon King         54.5  1  66

15 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.7  8  58

16 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8  0  58

17 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      48.9 12  55

18 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0  2  52

19 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0 10  46

20 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6  7  41

21 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9 12  39

22 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  8  38

23 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  1  36

24 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1  8  19

---

Week 09 & 10: Whingers and Losers

Wholly Moses

After watching Swansea Manager, Gary Monk, have a pop at both the match referee and a certain Stoke City player 'who brought back the tablets from Mount Sinai [allegedly] three and a half thousand years back', Studmarks HQ are reminded that there's a time and a place for a bloody good moan.

For Sarah Bingham, the time is not now and the place is not here.  She is this week's Manager of the Week.  Congratulations.  Her Not In Your Mum's Forest scored a flourishingly fecund 24 points - and that was without Sergio Aguero in her team.

This score also makes Ms Bingham the Highest Climber this week.  Indeed, breathtakingly whizzing past each other in the table is she and lowest descender Alex Blundell.  Proof that, and as is always the case, when goals are scored by one team they are, sadly, also conceded by the other.  In this case, the week's Premiership results have elevated Ms Bingbong up seven places and demoted Mr Blunbong seven places.

If the Chairman's personal call log is anything to go by, Mr Blundell has been desperately trying to get through to submit some verbal transfer requests in the hope of arresting his team's decline.  Too bad OMG Chairman has so many so many of his own Press Conferences to attend.  Either that or the Moanchester Manager just wants a bloody good moan.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8 19  91

 2 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8 19  89

 3 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6  7  83

 4 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0 19  83

 5 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 10  80

 6 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     53.2 -1  78

 7 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 24  76

 8 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0  7  74

 9 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.4 12  72

10 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 14  68

11 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   51.7  4  66

12 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9 15  66

13 Moobchester United        Jon King         54.5  7  65

14 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1 -5  62

15 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8 -4  58

16 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.0 -2  50

17 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0  0  50

18 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      48.9 -3  43

19 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  3  36

20 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7  2  35

21 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        54.6 11  34

22 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2 -2  30

23 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9  4  27

24 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1 11  11

                             Week's Average Points      7

                             Total Average Points      59

Week 08: Three

Magic  

In spite of modern day technology and billions of dollars being pumped into all sorts of research programmes around the globe, there remains no actual definitive evidence to clearly demonstrate without a doubt that Three is in fact the magic number.

Three is, however, the number of managers sharing this week's Manager of the Week Certificate.

Yes, aye and not no.

Indeed, Rick Beecroft, Jon King and Sarah Bielby all tear off a rough strip of a rough third of the mythical certificate.  Each manager scores a not-unique 17 points for their respective teams.

Lord Beeky McBeecroft also deserves a mention for his Manager of the Month achievement for September.  His RS-TBOY scored a total of 33 points throughout last month.

   Team                        Sept
 ----------------------------------
 1 RS-TBOY                      33
 2 Malcolmyouplaysobadly        30
 3 Radnorshire Tigers           28
 4 Which Team                   28
 5 Moanchester Disunited        28
 6 Inter Milandrover            27
 7 Botley Yellow                25
 8 Irishpool                    24
 9 Didcot Rovers                24
10 Livercoolio                  24
.
.
.

And Lord Beeky ALSO deserves another mention for being the manager with fewest transfers remaining for the season so far.

This is not something to boast about.

Lge Team                     Manager        Transfers
Pos                                         Remaining
-----------------------------------------------------
 8 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft      5
 1 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards       6
22 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed          6
11 Irishpool                 Mike Smears        7
 4 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby        8
 5 Which Team                Rachel Jones       9
15 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham      9
23 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler      9
 2 Inter Milandrover         Smasher           10
14 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble       10
18 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh       10
20 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun   10
 9 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson    11
17 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner      11
.
.
.

This leaves three accolades for Mr Beecroft, all in one week's Studmarks.

At last: proof that Three is very much the magic number.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Radnorshire Tigers        Alun Edwards     52.7 15  79

 2 Inter Milandrover         Smasher          54.6 15  77

 3 Malcolmyouplaysobadly     Malcolm Pratt    54.8  8  72

 4 Livercoolio               Russ Bielby      54.8 15  70

 5 Which Team                Rachel Jones     55.0 11  70

 6 Moanchester Disunited     Alex Blundell    52.1  9  67

 7 Pyeators                  Dave Clayton     55.0 14  67

 8 RS-TBOY                   Rick Beecroft    55.0 17  64

 9 Botley Yellow             Stanley Wilson   49.5  3  62

10 Real Mcdrid               Craig McHugh     54.8 14  62

11 Irishpool                 Mike Smears      54.4 10  60

12 Moobchester United        Jon King         54.5 17  58

13 Blet Satters Mad Hatters  Gavin Ward       54.6 12  54

14 The Flying Geese          Mandy Noble      54.0  9  52

15 Not In Your Mum's Forest  Sarah Bingham    54.7 15  52

16 Johnny's Heroes           Sarah Bielby     54.9 17  51

17 Didcot Rovers             Edgar Rayner     55.0  8  50

18 Obi Wan - Kenobi Nil      Chris Walsh      49.2 14  46

19 Pedro's Plodders          Pete Braithwaite 46.7 10  33

20 A Bit Temperamintal       Minty Colquhoun  55.0  5  33

21 Awesome Athletic          Adrian Bradley   50.2  8  32

22 It's A Snickers           Ashley Keeler    54.9  7  23

23 Couldn't be Hyppia        Nick Reed        55.0  7  23

24 Neil's Diamonds           Neil McConaghy   54.1 13   0

                             Week's Average Points     11

                             Total Average Points      52

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